Sunday, August 25, 2019

Transitions

My emotions speak to the inner core of my heart.
I feel the shifting about to start.

Am I ready for this?
Or am I quick to resist?

Truth be told, the shift has already begun.

Friends, family, loved ones slowly started to fade away.
The numbers in my phone didn't matter anymore because those area codes started to decay.

All the rotten pieces finally came to an expiration.
The toxicness was no longer able to control me no more.
All I can feel is the Holy Spirit pulling away from that door.

As the door closes, He escorts me to the banquet hall.
There's different direction the Lord wanted me to see.
I walk the trails of honey from the rock, the path lead me to my identity.

My mask finally falls off and I'm able to see.
As my God says, "Now you are the body of Christ and each one of you is a part of me".

Identity has taught me my entitlement and professions do not validate me as a human.
It is my Abba Father that has the authority to tell me who I am as a woman.

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

People vs. Me

Sometimes you feel like the only person you got is yourself.
You maybe part of a community, have a family and so called friends who care about you.
But even in a world filled with people,
You still felt as if they acted all brand new with you.

Hurt people, hurt people, that's what the people sing.
But the reality is, problem and person are two different things.

Certain conversations I would have to myself because I didn't understand.
But Lord you have been there, you have been there as my right hand man.

My wilderness has brought my season into new revelation.
It was through prayer that provoked power which caused me to be regulatory in normal conversations.

Speaking up and opening my heart was such a warfare.
But I didn't need a mic anymore because people who talk to God in secret can ignite a fire anywhere.

When I lift my voice, I speak with confidence and authority.
There's nothing I want more, than you intimately.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Where Have You Been Dad?

I’ve longed for your love at the age of five.
But all I felt was rejection and getting denied.

Where were you when I felt rejected from all the men?
Used, verbally abused, low self esteem and alone.

Dad, I've been looking for you.
Where were you?
I've had you in my life for 29 years, and still felt nonexistent.
Your alcoholic behaviors made the family feel so resistant.

I wanted you to show me How a man is supposed to treat a woman,
But that was hard to believe because all I got was you calling me a worthless piece of human.

I've been called beautiful by many men.
But still had the ugly feeling inside then.
Many men would say, "How can a beautiful woman like you feel this way?"
But if you knew behind the curtain the scenes that were played

The pill I used to swallow used to give me side effects.
Depression, anxiety and some emotions to the next.
I used to think if I read the labels correctly I wouldn't feel as much pain.
But I knew that my God was my Lord in vain

Til' this day I still long for your love.
But all I can in those times is trust the man above.

I heard a voice one day and he said:
My beloved daughter, when you were hiding, I've been here all along.
Arise my darling, my beautiful one, come with me as it says in the book of Song of Songs.

I fought for you in your weakness.
When you locked yourself in your room filled with all your secrets.

Your faithful Dad has always been here.
Just lay your head next to me and come near.


Follow me on Social Media

Business IG: @bossbabee_movement
Personal IG: @soojanelyy

Sunday, May 19, 2019

War

There's a war that I used to fight everyday
The war was the battlefield in the mind, with all the other emotions combined
Anxiety and Depression were some of the lies that the enemy would say
But when those moment creeped up, I got on my knees and just prayed

Anxiety and I do not get along. We would fight, battle and loose sleep.
You try to sleep so that you won't feel
But when you wake up you realize "Dang, this feeling legit feels so real!"

The wrestle I used to fight in my thoughts, really made me feel blind.
Reality is, the most difficult project in the world is the reconstruction of the human mind.

I would ask God why does it feel like my life is falling apart.
My daughter Jane, if you only knew what your life is turning out to be my sweet heart.

You are the sum total of all you've been conditioned to think.
No more, no less!
This is all a Process.

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Father Figure

Why is it important to have a Father in your life? A Father is known to play an authoritative role. They are the Super Man of the household, they are the bread winner, they are the pillars in the development of a child's emotional well-being, the list can go on and on. My journey lately has been interesting because the word "Father Figure" has been really pressed onto me for a while. What is it that you want me to talk about Lord? Why am I having such a difficult time putting the words together? This specific topic took awhile for me to process through because of how it makes me feel. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But thank God for the Holy Spirit, I know that what I'm about to discuss can talk someone's life. That is the goal of this post.

"I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations." Jeremiah 1:5. I had the privilege of having my Father in my life. Even though he was a part of my life, there was a lot emotional distortion that I saw growing up. Dad's create the gold standard for future romantic relationships. In my Korean culture, you rarely see any physical emotional interactions; hugs, kisses, holding hands etc. To be honest, for the 29 years of my life I've never seen my parents even hold hands or even kiss! Crazy right? The only thing I saw was maybe my father put his arms around my mother while they had to take a family photo, but that was about it. A daughter's first love, first starts with their Father. I unfortunately was not able to see that growing up. Money and success was shown as "love" to me. As long as there was food and a roof over our heads, that was love. Being raised in a different generation where I've longed for certain affections, my Father had a hard time providing emotion needs when I was a little girl. I never understood why because I would see all my friends have their father's call them, there little princess. All he really said to me was, do well in school, don't eat too much and provide for your Father when you get older. Those were probably the only thing he has mentioned to me.

Young girls depends on their fathers for security and emotional support. A Father Figure shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is supposed to be. I remember when I was about 5 years old, I was so excited for my dad to show me how to ride a two-wheel bicycle. It was the closest I've ever felt with him. He held me tight so I won't get hurt, he made sure I kept my balance and held onto to me. The moments when I lost my balance, he was right there for me to fall onto his arms. That moment meant a lot to me because I felt protected from my Father. He kept me safe the entire time so I won't fall and get hurt. He did what a Father was supposed to do. Protect. He was demonstrating his protection by teaching me the basics of how to ride a bike. I realized when I was younger, it was much easier to interact with my dad because I was young and didn't really know any better. Now that I'm older, you have a better understanding of life and you experienced enough, I felt as if it was harder for me to open up to my dad and also to express certain emotions because I was not able to receive any of that when I was young. So growing up, I wasn't as expressive towards others. I didn't like when people hugged me for so long. I wasn't around physical affection. I thank God that he's been working on me in this area to allow my emotions to be more expressive and be more open. I'm still a working progress.

I longed for my Father's love and affection. I was seeking those emotions from other men in my past relationships. I was attracting certain attributes my father had, in men and always ended up damaging my heart. The way a Father behaves towards their daughter is key. Loving fathers who provide praise, support and unconditional love give their daughters the gift of confidence and high self-esteem. Respectful and supportive fathers teach their daughters to expect that in their relationships. Don't get me wrong, my Father did the best he can to raise my sister and I. Our language barrier also had a lot to do with it as well. As much as I don't want to bring culture into the equation, it really did have a lot to do with why I was built the way I was. Growing up the way they think and how they perceive life was very challenging. The language would go something like this, "Oh Jane, you would look so much prettier if you were skinnier". I mean.... when I'm about 12 years old, chubby with Harry Potter glasses, I would take that pretty personal because that's the age where I'm trying to figure myself out, as a woman! But as I got older, I realized, that's honestly a normal conversation. Those type of conversations were even coming out of my parents mouths! Sounds crazy right? But that was the norm to Korean culture. So growing up that messed with my mind because I'm thinking I had to loose all this weight. When I was 17 years old, I went to this Christian Summer Camp with my high school friends. I used to go to a lot of camps when I was younger but this one specific camp changed my life. On the last night of prayer, I remember just crouching down on the floor and praying. A nice lady came over to me and praying for me. She started prophesying and when she laid her hands on me, I felt a sense of relief. All the heaviness from my emotional demons were being release. I was able to breath again. I remember saying, "WOW I'm delivered!". At that moment, I knew I was delivered from my insecurities, body image, appearance, EVERYTHING! There was a huge spirit of joy. I remember just crying for joy afterwards because I knew God healed. Don't get me wrong, I still had that battlefield time to time but I can confidently say, I can walk out a feeling comfortable with what God has given me. He created me a specific way and I love everything about it. Fashion and beauty is so interesting to me because this shows me how to create my own art through clothing and also through modeling.

At a certain age, most girls feel less than confident with their bodies. I always had this battlefield with my body image growing up. I was always tall and thick. I always had a difficult time finding the right clothes that fit me. A lot of the clothes my friends would wear, I was either overweight or too tall to fit into them. My dad always called my sister and I, "PIG" growing up. Til this day he still calls us that. As I got older it just became a nickname that he called us. Every time I wore a dress and or anything nice, I would never hear a compliment, when deep down inside, I longed for him to call me his beautiful daughter. Girls with poor body images may isolate themselves socially, thin too much into the way they look and loose confidence. I thank God, I never got to that extreme but I was not happy with the way I looked growing up. While Father's aren't the only people who influence the way their daughter view their own bodies, they do play a very important role. Not only do young girls take in the way that fathers speak to them about how they look, they are also influenced by the way their fathers speak about other's appearance. "Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself." 1 Corinthians 6:19.

I luckily, had the privilege of growing up with a Father but there we're a lot emotional distortion that came with that. Til this day, my Father and I are currently working on our relationship. That is the most important part about this journey, continuously learning. Daughters need great fathers. It would be nearly impossible to overstate the importance of father-daughter relationship. Young women who have a positive relationship with their father achieve more and they make better relationship choices. I thank God for the experiences because I'm able to talk with confidence about this topic. If this was me years ago, I would not be able to have the right words to put this piece together. I know there are a lot of women out there that may be dealing with the same issues. Just know that you are not alone. We can do this together.



"It has never been easy between us but I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you Dad."

Your Pig, 
Jane





EVENTS
 I will be giving my first testimony and releasing my first poem ever!
See you there!


FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Instagram: @bossbabee_movement
Personal: @soojanelyy



Thursday, March 14, 2019

#iAm Brand Interview ft. CEO Frank Nitti & Andrew Daniell

Fashion is art designed by your own clothing. I've always been into creating my own look and making it look different and unique. What I love about #iAm Brand is you get to embrace who you are and believe you can become whatever you want to be in life. In this post, I had the privilege of interviewing two of my greatest brother's in Christ, Frank Nitti & Andrew Daniell. They've always been one of my biggest supporters since day one. I genuinely love what they do and what an impact their brand has become throughout the years. For me, it brings me confidence that I can embrace who I am and what I am as a woman of God. Come join me and hear the depths of what they did to get to where they are with this brand.


FRANK NITTI

1. What does #iAM Brand mean to you?
It's More Than A Brand for the words you put after #iAm (the two most powerful words) you become!

2. What is your biggest accomplishment with your brand?
Being able to see people find their way to church because of the blessings and callings on our lives.

3. What makes Frank Nitti & Andrew Daniell a dynamic duo?
We're like Ying and Yang a balance.

4. What are some things you had to learn?
Patience is definitely a big one and Supply & Demand.

5. What's God' purpose for this brand?
To express who you are without having to go out buy these big name brands and spend massive amount of money to show off to other people.

6. What do you see within the next 5 years with #iAm Brand?
Being able to sponsor our Home Church CUHOW (Christ Uncensored House of Worship) and Staff while being able to bring the Gospel into millions of lives around the world.

7. When did you see yourself a success?
Honestly, Success means different things to different people. It's all a state of mind. For me, when you have people coming to you saying they're proud of you and how far you've come and then of course wanting to collab or wanting a piece after is always a blessing.

8. How do you push through your worst times?
Me personally, I abide by a rule, "When you're down, reach up and when you're up, reach down". Meaning, when you're down reach up to someone whether it be a spouse, best friend, pastor even God. He hears all. When you're up, reach down meaning someone else may be going through something you've went through and conquered. You can help them conquer as well. Community is important! 

9. What are your success habits?
1st thing  I do when I wake up is, Thank God for blessing me and my family and my loved ones with another day of purpose on this earth and then I hit the Bible App fir a Devotional (if you do not have it Download it. It's a great way to dive into the word and learn for yourself and how it applies to your life). After that my day is scheduled between making music, reaching out to people, attempting to sneak a work out in there somewhere lol and spending sometime with loved ones and before bed thanking God again for the day.

10. Any new merch Coming Soon?
YES WE HAVE SOME NEW MERCH COMING FOR THIS NEXT SEASON! GET READY! BLESSINGS LOADING........


ANDREW DANIELL

1. What does #iAm Brand mean to you?
Just like our slogan says "More Than A Brand". We love giving back!

2. What is your biggest accomplishment with your brand?
Partnering up with our family over at FIG (Freedom In God) Church and starting the "This Ain't Religion" Movement. We recently had our first event and exceeded our expectations.

3. What makes Frank Nitti & Andrew Daniell a dynamic duo?
Our Godly Brotherly Bond. Our goals and dreams align with each other. We compliment each other's craft, talents and skills, making us that much better.

4. What are some things you had to learn?
That it's better to rely on yourself to get the job done right and on time. So rather than depending on a manufacturer, we became our own manufacture and purchased our own machines to produce.

5. What's God's purpose for this brand?
To be more than just a brand, to be of value and to be a blessing to others. And most importantly, to be a great representation of God.

6. What do you see within the next 5 years with #iAm Brand?
Expansion.
Partnership with big name movements and churches.
Sponsorship's
We will be capable of giving back tremendously beyond what we can do now.

7. When did you see yourself a success?
The moment #iAm fell onto our laps. We walk in victory and since this came from God, it's already a success.

8. How do you push through your worst times?
Pray pray pray and pray some more. Eat something and pray again LOL!

9. What are your success habits?
Fellowshipping.
Staying in the Word.
Praying.
Declaring positive affirmations daily.
Keeping each other on our toes and being accountable for each other.
Service our Church.
Waking up early.
A lot of sleepless nights.
Steering away from television and the toxic waste that comes from there.
Filtering Social Media and weeding out any and all negative contents. (Thank you God for the MUTE button lol)
Read. (Positive, Self-Developing Books)

10. Any new merch Coming Soon?
WE ARE ALWAYS COOKING UP SOMETHING NEW. STAY TUNED!



"More Than A Brand"


Follow Us on Social Media
#iAm Instagram: @iam_officialbrand
Frank Nitti: @frank_iam_nitti
Andrew Daniell: @iamandrewdaniell


#BOSSBABEMVMT

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Act Like a Lady

Being a women is such a beautiful thing. I mean, that's all I really know. I was born a woman haha! What does it mean to "act like a lady"? This can mean so many things. Everyone has their own opinion on how woman should act. So many woman out there as a story about someone telling them how to "act like a lady". Unfortunately, those stories are usually how they were looked small, how to act, how to dress, the list goes on. I will be discussing in more so in a spiritual aspect of how a Woman should perceive themselves. Do women have the right to dress, walk and talk the way they want? Absoultely! But as a woman of God, there are certain attributes that we should live by.

Growing up, I had a difficult time with the language barrier between my parents. Although, I understood everything they were saying, there were certain conversations that they didn't have with me. Especially my mother, who was the woman in my life. I refuse to blame culture into this matter because my mom did everything in her power to raise me. She honestly, did the best that she could. She didn't have certain conversations with me as far as, how to dress, how to act, and etc. I had to figure everything on my own. I used to be the chubby girl in junior high school that wanted to fit into those nice clothes. I was always a big girl so I wasn't able to fit into a lot of the clothes. Once, I got into high school and college, I lost some weight started to feel myself... Hayyy! Wearing short shorts and short skirts was my jam back in the day. Once, I started to live my life for God, there weren't certain desires anymore. Being around women who walked me through this process helped me in this area. Also being on stage and part of a worship team, I had to look a certain way. The congregation is looking at me and looking up to me. There was no way I could wear half those clothes?! Presentaion was everything. You can still be dress and classy at the same time. I realized, that being classy more attractive than showing your personal business. This is why I love fashion. I grew into loving to dress myself in a way I stand out but also make it my own design. Creating my own look, makes me feel confident and makes me feel like I can create my own image. The word says "And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes." 1 Timothy 2:9. Dressing accordingly is definitely something that takes a part to acting like a lady.

Does how we talk really matter to people around us? Yes! Mannerism's plays such a huge aspect as a lady. It's one thing to burp and fart at the dinner table (that's just straight up nasty!), but the way you speak, walk and talk plays such a huge part. Back in my days, all my best friends knew I was the fighter of the group. Not only I was always the biggest, but I always had something to say. I felt that if I said something, I would prove a point. It never did because it only got me in trouble. The amount of bar fights, to getting kicked out the club, to pushing a guy because he was in my best friend's face, punching a guy in junior high school for calling me names. I look back at it now, dang I was a THUG! (haha I'm totally kidding). All of those actions didn't justify my actions. Sometimes being quiet says a lot about a person. Sometimes you don't need an explanation and to defend everything. Sometimes you don't need to know it all. A woman, a lady, a warrior, acts accordingly and remains calm. Sometimes, there is no need for that type of energy to waste. It only hurts yourself. In the bible is says "It's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife." Proverbs 21:19.

Being Humble is another great to "act like a lady". What does it mean to be humble? Why is it important to God? Being humble is to realize how weak we are, and how helpless we are to change the course of our lives in our own power. Even if we believe we're being humble, it's often difficult in our society to show humility as the Lord would like. Culturally, we push God away and instead place our focuses on the world's way. Humility is often not seen as a positive trait, it's more so seen as weakness. I always had a hard time accepting what's right and what's wrong. I never wanted to be wrong in any type of situation. We are all not perfect and it's to set your pride down to say you made a mistake. Humbleness and humility show that you are knowledgeable to what is real.

Confidence is one of the biggest traits to acting like a lady. Nothing is more attractive than a woman walking in confidence. Knowing your purpose, knowing who you truly are and what God has called you to be, makes your journey and process easier. A confident woman, always speaks in positive terminologies in her conversations and presents themselves a certain way. Your demeanor says a lot of about your body language. Sometimes it is not easy to compose yourself, especially on a bad day. Even when she is not her best self, she knows that she can put on a face and smile because she makes it happy with a strong pose. A confidant woman stands tall, looks people in the eye (even in her worst days) when she is talking to them and smiles, because she believes in herself. Understanding your own personality can be key to your success.




"For women who claim to be devoted to God should make themselves attractive by the good things they do."

1 Timothy 2:10


Follow me on Social Media
Personal IG: @soojanelyy


Transitions

My emotions speak to the inner core of my heart. I feel the shifting about to start. Am I ready for this? Or am I quick to resist? Tru...